What do a hunter and a vegan have in common? They are each other’s worst nightmare. How could one be with the other and be happy? For the past few years I have dabbled in a vegetarian and vegan lifestyle, right now I consider myself an aspiring vegan. I am still trying to let go of certain foods mainly cookies or desserts with animal products, and when it’s a special occasion I will usually eat more like a vegetarian. My husband on the other hand is his own person. At times he’s interested in a plant based diet and is all in 110% with me, and other times he’s cursing all of the dinners I make and upset that we don’t have any cow’s milk in the fridge. How did we even get to this point? How are we even compatible? Although food matters are very important, we have many other things in common. We didn’t start off as this couple with vastly different ideas of what a good meal is. We started off with many things in common, and we still do have many things in common. We love classic movies (The Graduate, Touch of Evil, Cool Hand Luke, Some Like It Hot etc.) classic literature (Catcher in the Rye, The Good Earth, Brave New World etc), music (Burt Bacharach, Cat Stevens, Elvis, Sufjan Stevens, Animal Collective are some of our favorites), conspiracies, traveling, big ideas, and sentimental mushy stuff. Since I married him, I now enjoy long road trips, the beauty of our home state, and documentary films. We have many other important things in common like where we want to live, politics or lack there of, religion, and how we want to raise our kids. We have both grown and changed since getting married. We have grown together and individually. We look like complete opposites in some ways, mostly with hunting and veganism and probably with an appreciation for drag queens (him… just kidding that’s definitely me) and sports but that’s a different story. Even though we’ve grown in these conflicting matters at least we do our best to understand and support each other. I know that my husband respects coyotes and is fascinated with them. He would be perfectly content to call some in just to observe, and not to kill. I do tease him (but I’m a little serious) that he is probably throwing off the ecosystem and that he’s a dog killer but I know that deep down, it’s not the killing he loves, it’s the exploring, the beautiful land he gets to see when he’s out and about, it’s the thrill of calling in a predator, and being sly enough not to get caught by such a stealthy creature. I know that when he teases me that soon I’ll have nothing left to eat, or that the food I make doesn’t taste as good anymore, deep down he loves me and knows that (most days) I love cooking new things and trying out new food and recipes, he knows that I love this journey and exploring that I am doing with food and living.
“Love, love is strange lot of people take it for a game. Once you get it, you never wanna quit, after you’ve had it, you’re in an awful fix”. I’m listening to this song while I type and it’s so true. He’s the one, and love is definitely strange. The longer we stay married and as our lives change our love grows. Marriage is hard work, but it’s so worth it. These conflicting ideals seem so small when it comes down to my love for him. I wouldn’t give up on us because we see some things differently. It’s pretty rare to have everything in common with someone, sure it would be great if we both were passionate about a plant based diet or if we both loved to sit in the cold and wait for a coyote to appear to the sound of a dying rabbit but it’s just not the case right now. For now we have a few separate things that we really love and care about, it’s what makes us individuals. We still have plenty of other things to talk about and do together. A good marriage and relationship (I’m learning) takes so much work and so much of ourselves that it’s important we nurture our shared ideals and interests and nurture our own individual interests as well. I’m also learning how much easier it is to enjoy something (even if he doesn’t) with his support and understanding … or attempts to understand. At times I feel worried that we’re growing apart in some big ways but then I look at him or talk to him and that worry quickly fades. Maybe we are growing individually but the roots we share are still strong.