have a baby

At one point in my life I was determined to be single, never have any babies and travel the world. I had these two great aunts who lived in San Francisco, they had moved there just after high school and were independent career ladies. They both got married later in life, near forty I would guess, and they both never had any children. I really admired these two and imagined my life might be similar to theirs. My two dear aunts have now passed on and as I reflect on what I know of their lives, they had a beautiful life and they got to share it with their husbands, they traveled, and got to live in the city they love. The sad part is that they didn’t have any children! Yes, they live on through their nieces and nephews but they never got to experience the joy of children.  Perhaps they wanted children but it wasn’t a possibility or maybe they were just content with their life.

Because of their example and cultural myths about having kids, I didn’t want any, or if I did possibly have one I wanted to wait to have children. I imagined a life of traveling, being free (whatever that means), and being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Here are the myths that possibly persuaded me besides my great aunts lifestyle:

Babies are expensive they say…

This is not always the case. Thanks to breastfeeding, cloth diapering/elimination communication and co-sleeping, we’ve saved so much money on the cultural “necessities” for baby. I talk more about this here. Our boy just turned two recently and I still feel like he is not a financial hardship in any way at all. If we chose to wait until we were financially sound we may not have ever been able to have a baby.

You can’t do anything once you have a baby they say…

There may be some things you won’t be able to do once you have a baby but I can’t think of any right now. So far with a baby, we have been on road trips, gone camping, gone on a cruise, made new friends, moved to a different house, gone on dates, etc. Life goes on and life becomes so much more beautiful once you have a baby. You may need to pack a few more things if you’re going on a trip but that happens when you bring along another person. Getting married and sharing your life with someone is great, I always think to myself how much better it is to spend my time with my husband rather than by myself. Adding a baby made our lives that much sweeter. What is my life without them?

If you have a baby you should wait and do what you want they say…

What is there to do that you can’t include a significant other and a babe. Traveling I can see but it’s not impossible to travel with a baby or child. A career? That’s what my aunts chose. It’s not a bad choice but it’s a little sad that they didn’t get to experience children. My sister in law is the perfect example of having a great career and having children. Both are possible, she is living proof. I’ve learned through my own experience that family, relationships, and experiences are they best part about my life. Making money, buying things, and living a selfish lifestyle would not bring me happiness but it was my original idea of happiness.

Time goes by so fast I say…

My husband’s parents are much older than my parents because they had my husband later on. My parents also had me a little later as well. We got married when I was twenty one and my husband was thirty one. I got pregnant just over a year after we got married. I was so excited to have a baby. I think being in love must have changed my point of view. Not only did I want to have a baby, I wanted my husband to be a dad and I wanted our parents to be grandparents. This baby was for all of us. I know that my husband and I both love our parents and we want our kids to have as much time with them as possible. Life is fleeting.

Life has not ended for me since getting married and having a baby, it has gotten so much better! If I could tell my past self anything, it would be… keep an open mind. Luckily I did keep an open mind and I had a change of heart.

*Disclaimer: this post is me reflecting, I’m not trying to pressure anyone into having children, although I recommend it, I know there are many variables and everyone is different.

 

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